woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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