considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
