I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
