why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Found your dick twin last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
