I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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