i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
