i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
