its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
