He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
