Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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