So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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