If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
