hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
As shirtless as possible
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
