Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this beer tastes like vomit already
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
