the condom got lost in my hair
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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