My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
