dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
