Your tits are I can't wait for
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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