If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
