The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
