i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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