I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
