I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
