So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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