You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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