im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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