i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
