so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
