were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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