She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
