We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
