Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
