i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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