First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
