Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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