Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
