she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Houston, we have a squirter
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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