I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
