He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
