are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
