I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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