Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
