I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
