I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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