I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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