I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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