Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
