i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
