You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
