I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
