no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
