I am in a vortex of obligation.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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