What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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