Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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